Anhedonia
Norv Turner and the Benin Republic Part II
I understand your situation,but i don't have the money to borrow you i am just an ordinary secretary who depend on my monthly salary,and also have a lot responbilties in my family,if you have some where else to borrow the fees you better do that as soon as you receive the cheque you pay them back $265 dollars is not up to this $950,00,00 that is coming the way.
I am waiting for your urgent respond,
Rev mcdesmond.
-------------------
Rev Baby,
You ever get those e-mails from Nigeria or the Benin Republic looking for you to send them money because you won the lottery, or a dying woman wants to give you millions? I have been responding. And by I, I mean me as Norv Turner, embattled San Diego Chargers coach.
Below is the correspondence thus far. It starts at the bottom and works it way up.
I will update as I continue to get responses. Part 1 is the previous post.
Part 2:
Below is the correspondence thus far. It starts at the bottom and works it way up.
I will update as I continue to get responses. Part 1 is the previous post.
Part 2:
REV GUN!
I have an idea. I am not enamored with Philip Rivers. How about you quarterback the team? I think the salary is good. Then you can loan me the $261.55 I need for the transaction. Would that work?
Listen REV GUN (that's your new nickname), I am throwing a lot of ideas your way to get this money, but you are not helping much. How can we come up with this money? I was going to donate blood, but I am pretty sure I am dead on the inside. Plus I got ice in my veins! I think that is what killed me.
Do you have any ideas as to how to come up with the money to pay the fees?
Sincerely,
Call Me Norv
--------------
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Attention,Mr Douglas
I receive your mail and mine mind has calm down as you said that you are the owner of this cheque due to i don't want to make a mistake over this $950 00 00, i can only give you asurance that as soon as you meet up with DHL fees your cheque will be deliver to you without wasting no time.
I waiting for your mail.
Thanks,
Rev Mcdesmond.
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---------------
Revity REV,
I know the check is mine. Being a successful head football coach means trusting your instincts, and my instincts tell me you are a great guy. Trustworthy. And when this ordeal is over, I look forward to ruining a football team together. I will make you my Linebackers coach.
I relly want this check. I just need to come up with the money for the fees. Do you know anybody to ask? If you have 7-11 over there, perhaps you can start raiding the penny jars. I saw a kid in a wheelchair the other day and I took his cup of change. Norv Turner fears no man! And I am proud to say Norv Truner made $4.45 that day. So I only need $261.55 to make the payment.
Still working it out my end. How are you doing?
Sincerely,
Norv-i-Nator
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MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
Attention,Mr Douglas
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MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
Attention,Mr Douglas
Well i am a man,but i am so astounded the way you sound over this your cheque wondering if you are the real owner of this cheque beacuse i don't want to make a mistake over this cheque $950,00,00 is a small money to send to a wrong person so if you real person mail me with the DHL fees as soon as you receive this mail.
Thanks You,
Rev Mcdesmond.
-----------------
Rev Run,
I appreciate you getting back to me. I think I have warded off some of the vultures. Everyone knows Mortensen making up those Pete Carroll rumors was completely unfounded.
-----------------
Rev Run,
I appreciate you getting back to me. I think I have warded off some of the vultures. Everyone knows Mortensen making up those Pete Carroll rumors was completely unfounded.
So you are a secretary. Are you a woman? Maybe you could make some money 'on the side', if you catch my drift. I tried to make a few bucks last nite, but the fine citizens of San Diego prefer the tunnel bunnies and not pock-marked failures of a head coach.
Is there someone else in your office to borrow the money from?
I already asked Vincent Jackson and told me to 'talk to the hand.' Can you believe people still say 'talk to the hand'? And Shawn Merriman needs all his money for 'protein shakes.' He is a real upstanding citizen. I think he has a real future in this league.
I'll keep asking around to borrow money. Can you do the same? I feel we have become fast friends. When I get fired, perhaps we can work together.
Sincerely,
Beggin' Norv
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MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
Attention,Mr Douglas,
---------------
MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
Attention,Mr Douglas,
I understand your situation,but i don't have the money to borrow you i am just an ordinary secretary who depend on my monthly salary,and also have a lot responbilties in my family,if you have some where else to borrow the fees you better do that as soon as you receive the cheque you pay them back $265 dollars is not up to this $950,00,00 that is coming the way.
I am waiting for your urgent respond,
Rev mcdesmond.
-------------------
Rev Baby,
I don't think you understand the gravity of my situation. They are on to me! I am about to be fired! I am a fraud without Emmitt Smith. Sure, I had some good years in Dallas, but now look at me. I am public enemy #1 in San Diego. Okay, maybe that umpire who blew the call in the Padres game is #1. But I'm definitely #1a. All I ask is you let me slide on a few hundred bucks.
Can I borrow the money from you? I have $950,000 coming my way. I can pay you back. I can even double it. You loan me the $280, I'll get the $950K, then I'll send you $560 and an autographed Philip Rivers jersey. That's $561 worth of cash and merchandise. Can you help an 'ol starving ball coach?
I anxiously await hearing from you. I really want to work with you. I know we can work something out.
Sincerely,
Nothing Without Jimmie Johnson
posted by Douglas Chagnon 03/10/07 1:48 PM Comments (1)
Norv Turner and the Benin Republic Part I
You ever get those e-mails from Nigeria or the Benin Republic looking for you to send them money because you won the lottery, or a dying woman wants to give you millions? I have been responding. And by I, I mean me as Norv Turner, embattled San Diego Chargers coach.
Below is the correspondence thus far. It starts at the bottom and works it way up.
I will update as I continue to get responses.
Part 1
--------------------
MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
------------
REV,
How are you? REV! Like an engine. Neat name. A lot better than Doug, I mean Norv. Norv is a funny name.
So I guess small bills is out of the question. How about large bills. I'd like one $950,000 bill. I'll sign the back to make it official.
I see you need some information and here goes:
Postal Address: The nearest post office to me is 551 Columbia Rd. in Dorchester, MA. That's in Uphams Corner. That area is known as 'the sh*t' so be careful.
Telephone Number: 617-287-0297 is the Post Office's number. They love answering the phone there. I find them helpful, not rude at all. They really love their jobs there.
What other information do you need from me? I may be unemployed soon. Seriously, the Chargers were 14-2 last year and already we're 1-3 this year. How many teams can I screw up before everyone is on to me?
Thank you much.
Sincerely,
I Should Just Be an Offensive Coordinator.
-----------------------
MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
Dear Norv Turner,
Thanks for your mail, yes I was instructed by my boss to send you a bank draft cheque. I am Rev Mcdesmond,you associate left your cheque over here in my office to be sent to you on your request for it before his trip and since that time I have been expecting to hear from you as I can not send the draft without hearing from you first for security reason.It is an Internation Bank Draft writen your name on it which you can cash any where in the world.
Meanwhile, you are advice to send your exact postal address with your full name, include your telephone number where the courier can reach you as soon as they arrive your country your occupation,your age.So that i will send the cheque to you as my boss instructed because it was on cheque drafting paper,so you can send the informations now.While sending it please,forward to me a copy of any identification you could get hold on.
I am waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.
Yours Sincerely,
Rev Mcdesmond
--------------------------
Yo REV,
See Below. Tony is hooking me up! There's no email in Holland so I'm getting ahold of you. I would like the money sent in small bills, I prefer two dollar bills, in a paper bag. Put my initials on the outside. I do that with my lunch in the work refrigerator and no one ever touches my cold cuts.
Let me know what information you need from me. Make it quick too. I took the Chargers and the points this weekend. Who knew Damon Huard was going to wake up this weekend. I hate him.
Look forward to working with you,
Sincerely,
Norv Turner
You ever get those e-mails from Nigeria or the Benin Republic looking for you to send them money because you won the lottery, or a dying woman wants to give you millions? I have been responding. And by I, I mean me as Norv Turner, embattled San Diego Chargers coach.
Below is the correspondence thus far. It starts at the bottom and works it way up.
I will update as I continue to get responses.
Part 1
--------------------
MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
Attention,Mr Douglass
How are you i hope all fine,i receive your mail and i am so astounded where by i want you to understand that the cheque we talking about is writting draft cheque which is not in physical cash so there is no way we can deduct it through the cheque and the only way it will come to you is through courrier express that is only fees we demand from you.
The asurance i am giving to you is that as soon as you pay the fees DHL will deliver your cheque to your destination without wasting time.
I am waiting for your urgent respond.
Thanks,
Mcdesmond.
-----------------
REVinator,
Good to hear from you. Listen, the media is eating me up. Chris Mortensen even started spreading a rumor that Pete Carroll is going to take my job. I swear he makes things up.
What I am getting at, is that I am pretty sure I am going to be unemployed very soon (plus fantasy football owners are all over me). Is there way you can wave the fee? Here's what I'll do for you. Bet the under big time on this Sunday's game. I don't want to say too much, but Antonio Gates will not touch the ball and LT will have a 'groin' injury.
Or, how about you take the fee right out of the total? I need the money. Coordinator salaries aren't what they used to be (unless I go to Washington. Do you know Daniel Snyder?).
I want to work with you, but am looking for a way to work on the fee.
Your truly,
AJ Smith's Worst Nightmare
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MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
ATTN Douglas Chagnon
NOW i have made the necessary findings from the courier companies here for the dispatch of your cheque. Here is the cost of sending your cheque through this DHL Express courier services and the cost from here to your country, You are required to pay the neccesary courier charges to enable me send you, your cashier cheque immediately.
Good to hear from you. Listen, the media is eating me up. Chris Mortensen even started spreading a rumor that Pete Carroll is going to take my job. I swear he makes things up.
What I am getting at, is that I am pretty sure I am going to be unemployed very soon (plus fantasy football owners are all over me). Is there way you can wave the fee? Here's what I'll do for you. Bet the under big time on this Sunday's game. I don't want to say too much, but Antonio Gates will not touch the ball and LT will have a 'groin' injury.
Or, how about you take the fee right out of the total? I need the money. Coordinator salaries aren't what they used to be (unless I go to Washington. Do you know Daniel Snyder?).
I want to work with you, but am looking for a way to work on the fee.
Your truly,
AJ Smith's Worst Nightmare
------------
MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
ATTN Douglas Chagnon
NOW i have made the necessary findings from the courier companies here for the dispatch of your cheque. Here is the cost of sending your cheque through this DHL Express courier services and the cost from here to your country, You are required to pay the neccesary courier charges to enable me send you, your cashier cheque immediately.
Mailing;.............................$200
Vat (10%)..............................$65
TOTAL.................................$265
Vat (10%)..............................$65
TOTAL.................................$265
Send it through western union money transfer with this name stated below.
RECEIVER AKWUOBU JOHN
ADDRESS:COTONOU
COUNTRY: BENIN REPUBLIC
USE THIS TEXT QUESTION IN THE WESTERN UNION:
QUESTION:COLOUR
ANSWER: BLUE
ADDRESS:COTONOU
COUNTRY: BENIN REPUBLIC
USE THIS TEXT QUESTION IN THE WESTERN UNION:
QUESTION:COLOUR
ANSWER: BLUE
Immediately i receive the courier fee i will send the cashier chequeto you immediately and forward the tracking number to you.
I wait for your urgent response with Evidence of payment such as Mtcn Number, senders full name, plus text question and answers so that i can send it to you today.
Yours sincerely
Mr Rev Mcdesmond
Mr Rev Mcdesmond
------------
REV,
How are you? REV! Like an engine. Neat name. A lot better than Doug, I mean Norv. Norv is a funny name.
So I guess small bills is out of the question. How about large bills. I'd like one $950,000 bill. I'll sign the back to make it official.
I see you need some information and here goes:
Postal Address: The nearest post office to me is 551 Columbia Rd. in Dorchester, MA. That's in Uphams Corner. That area is known as 'the sh*t' so be careful.
Telephone Number: 617-287-0297 is the Post Office's number. They love answering the phone there. I find them helpful, not rude at all. They really love their jobs there.
What other information do you need from me? I may be unemployed soon. Seriously, the Chargers were 14-2 last year and already we're 1-3 this year. How many teams can I screw up before everyone is on to me?
Thank you much.
Sincerely,
I Should Just Be an Offensive Coordinator.
-----------------------
MC DESMOND <mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr> wrote:
Dear Norv Turner,
Thanks for your mail, yes I was instructed by my boss to send you a bank draft cheque. I am Rev Mcdesmond,you associate left your cheque over here in my office to be sent to you on your request for it before his trip and since that time I have been expecting to hear from you as I can not send the draft without hearing from you first for security reason.It is an Internation Bank Draft writen your name on it which you can cash any where in the world.
Meanwhile, you are advice to send your exact postal address with your full name, include your telephone number where the courier can reach you as soon as they arrive your country your occupation,your age.So that i will send the cheque to you as my boss instructed because it was on cheque drafting paper,so you can send the informations now.While sending it please,forward to me a copy of any identification you could get hold on.
I am waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.
Yours Sincerely,
Rev Mcdesmond
--------------------------
Yo REV,
See Below. Tony is hooking me up! There's no email in Holland so I'm getting ahold of you. I would like the money sent in small bills, I prefer two dollar bills, in a paper bag. Put my initials on the outside. I do that with my lunch in the work refrigerator and no one ever touches my cold cuts.
Let me know what information you need from me. Make it quick too. I took the Chargers and the points this weekend. Who knew Damon Huard was going to wake up this weekend. I hate him.
Look forward to working with you,
Sincerely,
Norv Turner
Greetings to you dear; it is quite unfortunate that i contacted you through
this way;How is your life dear? with God all things are possible.
I'm happy to inform you about my optimistic success in getting those funds
transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from holland. Presently
I'm in holland for investment projects with my own share of the total sum.
this way;How is your life dear? with God all things are possible.
I'm happy to inform you about my optimistic success in getting those funds
transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from holland. Presently
I'm in holland for investment projects with my own share of the total sum.
meanwhile,I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in
transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.Now contact
my secretary in Benin Republic his name is REV MCDESMOND mail is ( mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr)
ask him to send you the total $950.000.00, ( nine hundred and fifity
thousand dollar) which i kept for your compensation for all the past efforts
and attempts to assist me in this matter.
I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. so feel free and get
intouched with my secretary REV MCDESMOND instruct him where to send
the amount to you.
transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.Now contact
my secretary in Benin Republic his name is REV MCDESMOND mail is ( mcdesmond_2007@yahoo.fr)
ask him to send you the total $950.000.00, ( nine hundred and fifity
thousand dollar) which i kept for your compensation for all the past efforts
and attempts to assist me in this matter.
I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. so feel free and get
intouched with my secretary REV MCDESMOND instruct him where to send
the amount to you.
Please do let me know immediately you receive it so that we can share the
joy after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, I?m very busy
here because of the investment projects which me and the new partner are
having at hand, finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to the
secretary on your behalf to receive that money, so feel free to get in touch
with REV MCDESMOND he will sends the amount to you without any delay.
joy after all the sufferness at that time. in the moment, I?m very busy
here because of the investment projects which me and the new partner are
having at hand, finally, remember that I had forwarded instruction to the
secretary on your behalf to receive that money, so feel free to get in touch
with REV MCDESMOND he will sends the amount to you without any delay.
THANKS
YOURS FAITHFULLY
TONY EMES.
YOURS FAITHFULLY
TONY EMES.
posted by Douglas Chagnon 03/10/07 1:47 PM Comments (0)
Talk Better
I wish spoke well... or better... well, better. You know when black comics make fun of white people? Forget that. You know when black comics rip off Richard Pryor making fun of white people? I wish I spoke that well, or better. Just a long-winded way of saying I wish I spoke as well as Barak Obama.
I wish spoke well... or better... well, better. You know when black comics make fun of white people? Forget that. You know when black comics rip off Richard Pryor making fun of white people? I wish I spoke that well, or better. Just a long-winded way of saying I wish I spoke as well as Barak Obama.
posted by Douglas Chagnon 14/08/07 6:15 PM Comments (0)
Winning the Lottery
The key to me winning the lottery is for the commission to add a few numbers, namely 'Sh*t', 'F**k' and 'Son of a...' because I always play those numbers.
Most times when I see the results and I check my ticket, my numbers are 3, 17, Sh*t!, F**k!, Son of a... And the powerball tends to be 'Great, some white trash hick in Kansas probably won.'
The key to me winning the lottery is for the commission to add a few numbers, namely 'Sh*t', 'F**k' and 'Son of a...' because I always play those numbers.
Most times when I see the results and I check my ticket, my numbers are 3, 17, Sh*t!, F**k!, Son of a... And the powerball tends to be 'Great, some white trash hick in Kansas probably won.'
posted by Douglas Chagnon 12/07/07 5:16 PM Comments (1)
Mormon Stereotypes
Southerners get the raw end of the deal when it comes to stereotypes, but topping them may be Mormons. You hear 'Mormon' and a lot of people's first thought is, 'Don't they have a bunch of wives?' The Mormons banned polygomy in 1870. It has been 137 years, but some people still will not vote for Mitt Romney because they think he is in favor of people having nine wives.
Nobody else has to deal with such dated stereotypes. Hanging out at Fenway Park, I have never heard the following, "Terry Francona is doing a heck of a job managing the Red Sox. Too bad he is bootlegging booze in the clubhouse. The 'ol bathtub gin. Yup. Oh, he also owns slaves."
Southerners get the raw end of the deal when it comes to stereotypes, but topping them may be Mormons. You hear 'Mormon' and a lot of people's first thought is, 'Don't they have a bunch of wives?' The Mormons banned polygomy in 1870. It has been 137 years, but some people still will not vote for Mitt Romney because they think he is in favor of people having nine wives.
Nobody else has to deal with such dated stereotypes. Hanging out at Fenway Park, I have never heard the following, "Terry Francona is doing a heck of a job managing the Red Sox. Too bad he is bootlegging booze in the clubhouse. The 'ol bathtub gin. Yup. Oh, he also owns slaves."
posted by Douglas Chagnon 13/06/07 7:10 PM Comments (0)
Naming Your Band
Some metal band have names that make me embarrassed to like them. There is a new 'supergroup' that put out an album this week with possibly the worst name of a mainstream metal band. It features the drummer from Pantera and Damageplan. Two cool names. The singer and guitar player are from Mudvayne, another cool name. And another guitar player is from Nothingface. Awesome name. So what do these guys call themselves? Hellyeah. Hellyeah!?! How can I make fun of suckbag emo bands like Fall Out Boy and booty videos and then turn around and defend a band called Hellyeah, because they are pretty catchy.
On top of that, Hellyeah has a song called 'Alcohaulin' Ass.' The same dudes that have performed on classics like 'Death Blooms' and 'Walk' have a song called 'Alcohaulin' Ass.' And I paid $12 for the CD.
Some metal band have names that make me embarrassed to like them. There is a new 'supergroup' that put out an album this week with possibly the worst name of a mainstream metal band. It features the drummer from Pantera and Damageplan. Two cool names. The singer and guitar player are from Mudvayne, another cool name. And another guitar player is from Nothingface. Awesome name. So what do these guys call themselves? Hellyeah. Hellyeah!?! How can I make fun of suckbag emo bands like Fall Out Boy and booty videos and then turn around and defend a band called Hellyeah, because they are pretty catchy.
On top of that, Hellyeah has a song called 'Alcohaulin' Ass.' The same dudes that have performed on classics like 'Death Blooms' and 'Walk' have a song called 'Alcohaulin' Ass.' And I paid $12 for the CD.
posted by Douglas Chagnon 13/04/07 3:48 PM Comments (1)
Naming Your Kid Metallica
A Swedish couple is suing their government over the right to name their kid 'Metallica,' which is dumb. Why would you name your daughter Metallica? Sure, she'll be awesome the first eight years of her existence. Dare I say, one of the best kids ever. But then she'll get a bad haircut, start doing awful things for money, and become a whiny bitch who demands respect just because she used to be awesome.
A Swedish couple is suing their government over the right to name their kid 'Metallica,' which is dumb. Why would you name your daughter Metallica? Sure, she'll be awesome the first eight years of her existence. Dare I say, one of the best kids ever. But then she'll get a bad haircut, start doing awful things for money, and become a whiny bitch who demands respect just because she used to be awesome.
posted by Douglas Chagnon 04/04/07 3:04 PM Comments (0)
